"You Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love." -Robert Palmer
An old friend was dumped by his girlfriend. He said to me, "I don’t know how the fuck I’m going to not have an attachment to someone in the future or how I could love a person and not have attachment, but I guess I’ll worry about it when it happens."
Candid honesty-you gotta love it. Without honesty, how can you know where you and what you want to keep or change?
My feedback to him:
Maybe a different way of looking at it is that yes: you have the abilities to work hard, play hard and love hard. That God gave you the gift of a big heart and the ability to love hard. You have this wonderful capacity to love big. Some people don't have this. The psycho/sociopaths in the world.
Love is where it's at. Love makes the world go round. None of us are perfect when it comes to love We stumble, we fall, we pick ourselves back up and we embrace the courage to love again.
The depth of the way we love is the depth of the sorrow we can feel, the sadness, the grief, the loneliness. When you "love hard," you take a risk of feeling these things. You risk the possibility of a broken heart, a loss. I believe that God makes creative people (musicians, artists, writers, filmmakers) more sensitive than the others, because the tools we use in our hearts are our emotions are more vivid than average. They are the wet paint we use to sharpen our craft, whatever that is. Without the tears, would we be moved by music, by a film, by a book?
You're the one who told me to put the emotion on the pages of my book, and now you are doing the same thing. I am proud of you. You are putting your world out there for eyes and hearts to read. You never know how your testimony of the ability to love hard, work hard and feel hard---can help your readers feel not alone anymore. Thanks for being of service to humanity
It's human to attach to the ones we love. To hold each other's hands. To be in this expansion of possibilities and grace and beauty.
The suffering is in when we cling to something that needs to breathe. Smothering it in fear of loss and to avoid ourselves. Fear of abandonment, dread of loneliness, not wanting to be alone with ourselves, always staying busy is a way of running from yourself, too., as in the extreme (workaholism).
I could go on and on. I'm a writer and it shows. :)
*** Going to go on a little more:
Hi. My name is Lisa Jo and I’m a recovering sex and love addict. I spent most of my life chasing unavailable people, having sex with them, living in heart-break, and abandoning myself while the obsession consumed me. I’m happy to say that I have improved a lot over the years. I have someone who has triggered me recently and it’s the first time I’ve had a safe place to work out this “overboard caring” or longing for platonic or romantic love from a man. I’ve been there , done it all. I still do it sometimes, until I settle in. It’s like my friend in San Fransisco. At a nightclub while there, when he saw me kissing a man I had just met, on a balcony drunk, he popped his head out of nowhere and said to me, “Slow down, hot salsa!”
Yes. SLOW DOWN HOT SALSA!
I’m growing out of being romantically and platonically retarded and overdoing it when it comes to a new friendship or romance with a man and just being present with what is and appreciating things for what they truly are, instead of what I want them to be or become. Sometimes I can get the two mixed up, too.
Painful is an understatement. It’s like a baby inside of me starts pouting and having a fit. It’s like I want to “binge” on a person and smother them with my excitement in wanting to tell them everything. I’m learning. It’s like I’m starved from the unconditional love I never received from my father. It’s like I still sometimes feel the sting of his cruelty and violence and this is one manifestation of that. But I take full responsibility for my behavior. It’s one thing having a tantrum when you actually are a baby. It’s another thing having the same kind of tantrum as a grown adult.
I’m seeking answers. I’m in trauma therapy with a brilliant and beautiful woman artist psychotherapist from Poland. I’m in a renaissance of breakthrough after breakthrough in my personal and professional life right now, including the complications around the men in my life. I’m pivoting from my core empowered Wise Woman.
My whole world is shifting. God is transforming me. Hallelujah!
